The 6 F's (On Healthy Relationships pt. 5)

The 6 F's, or foundations needed before even thinking of that next level with a guy (and can be used vice versa for a girl)

1. Fulfillment

As I mentioned in the first of this series, our fulfillment, security, and identity must be found only in Jesus. This includes the understanding and satisfaction in a calling to be celibate if that is what God has called you to. I know many of you might be reading this and say "WHAT?!" But this truly reveals if your motives are pure and not for security. Majority of people, I believe are going to get married one day, but I think this is a critical mindset to have before jumping into a relationship. Ask yourself, "What if God wants me to stay single my whole life?" You need to be secure and content in the fact that God has the final say in wether you get in a relationship or not, ever. If God calls you to remain single, God will satisfy those desires of companionship in you.  (This mindset is also critical when you are married and want children too, I think... you gotta find contentment and satisfaction in what God's plans are, not your own). The healthiest marriages are when 2 secure, mature individuals come together. You gotta start with a season of victorious single living. 

2. Feelings

You must be character driven, not emotionally/feelings driven. Character driven people are people who do right, then feel good; not feel good about something then do right. Character driven means commitment driven, not convenience driven. They make principle based decisions, not popular based decisions. They believe then see, not have to see to believe. They are consistent and steady, not moody and flighty. This includes understanding that you and your future spouse are in a state of preparation, how you live as a single person is how you will be as a married person. This is why I really respected and trusted Ross so much when we were dating. He made a commitment not to do anything more than hug me or hold my hand when we were dating... at first I thought that was way too extreme, but then I realized- he is setting the bar way high so that if we were "slip up" then it wouldn't be into something irreversible or with severe consequences. The biggest thing it showed me in him though, was that I could trust him once we were married. I could trust that if he could wait 2 years before doing anything with me, if he was in a situation working with a woman, or something like that... he could show restraint and I could trust that he wouldn't "slip up" with anyone else. How awesome and secure is that?!

Ed Cole said "How you leave one thing is how you enter another." When you are dating, you are setting patterns in your relationships that will only multiply when you get married... the good and the bad! You can't make your standards in your relationship in the heat of the moment... you gotta draw the lines in the sand before you get there! Do not become anxious, know that God's timing is perfect and your destiny begins as a single person, not once you are married. 

3. Family

As I mentioned previously, you need to have strong relationships with people of the same sex as you. You should know who you are called to walk with, as in spiritual family. You find your people, you find your purpose. The reason is so you have someone you can go to outside your relationship for wisdom, guidance and accountability. Also for friends that are committed to you and will tell you the truth. (Ex. Ruth & Naomi) This is so critical... sometimes I need to talk to someone other than my husband about things to get outside perspective!

4. Finding

5. Forgetting

6. Fondling

We'll save those for the next post. Give me feedback!!