I would love any advice... here is what happens:
We have a consistent routine, starting at 7 or 7:30 we bathe, brush teeth, get p.j.'s on, pick out a book and a bible story to read, pray and sing a few songs together. That generally goes smoothly. Then the lights go out, and the battles begin...
Aiden is having the hardest time. Eli is usually pretty calm and quiet, unless Aiden tells him to do something naughty. We have 2 simple rules- 1. stay in bed. 2. be quiet. I don't mind if they talk, laugh or sing (as long as it's quietly), but lately they (Aiden) are breaking the 2 simple rules over and over and over and over...
We are super consistent about the rules and disciplining when they aren't followed, but Aiden is king of stalling and both of them are oh so stubborn! Yelling for bathroom, water, kisses, hugs, blanket put just right, or certain stuffed animals. I am trying my hardest to be strong, but I would love any suggestions if you have gone though this battle! I feel like I am forced to get my "angry eyes" on every night, and it is making me sad. I don't want them going to sleep with me having to be so hard on them!
What to do.
8 comments:
Here's an idea I picked up/modified from a behavior modification class I took in college. If you had a clear container filled with fun little cheap toys and place it (high) in the boys room. Tell them that they can play with these toys tomorrow for a set amount of time (15 min, or all day, whatever!), but every time you come in to see them, one toy will be taken out. Then every time you have to go in the room, take one of the toys out of the jar explaining why you are taking it out. It might take a few nights, but it might work.
You could also do it with stickers or pegs on a board or whatever creative way you come up with.
I don't think this would work with all children. Don't think that all kids would care or quite understand the consequences, but I did want to pass it along to you!
Oh, and if it didn't make sense, you can call me! :)
we go through the same thing with caroline... she makes her case for all the things she "needs"!!!!! or she suddenly yells, "pee-pee is coming out of my bottom!" though she just went potty 2 minutes earlier. the strategy that works the best for us with caroline is to call her bluff and to ignore her. i know she doesn't have to go potty, so i just don't let her. i smooth her blanket just right for her one time, and she knows i will not do it again. she is supposed to get water before bed, so if she asks for it from bed, it's not allowed.... but she recently had a cold and we wimped out for awhile on the "one more sip of water" plea b/c of her sore throat :( we've gotta get strong on that one again!! :) she is very strong-willed, and i think they just have to learn that we will not be manipulated. i would try letting aiden know that you are not coming back into his room. tell him he has gone potty, he's had water, etc, and that now he needs to go to sleep. he will probably test that pretty adamantly for a little while by yelling for various things, and that may require some discipline till he gets the idea. don't know if that helps since i'm in the throws of it too. :) i'll be checking back here to see what other ideas you're given!!
We have bedtime battles too. But it's mostly Peyton, not Tyson. But I was thinking about your situation and I thought maybe you could use rewards/consequences for Aiden. Either giving him something special (piece of gum, candy, special show etc..) the next morning for a good night or taking something away (a t.v. show, favorite snack/treat, etc.) for not going to bed quietly. Or I also thought maybe you could give him 3 to 5 pennies (or m&ms, stickers, tatoos, jelly beans...whatever is his thing) at bedtime and every time you had to come in there after lights out, he would have to "pay" you with one of his special treats. So that way, you wouldn't really have to get "angry eyes", but it would still send the message across. And hopefully, it would get to the point that he would want to keep all 5 of his goodies and not have to "pay" you anything, so he would behave.
Also, does Ross ever go in there instead of you... usually Tim handles bedtime battles at our house. By that point, I'm pooped out and running low on patience. Good luck!!
what if you rewarded the positive...sticker chart,paper-chain, marble jar etc-- each morning if they obeyed then they could earn a sticker, or marble, or add a link to the chain....then after so many they could "cash" that in for an activity, special treat etc...just a thought. it could be set up on an individual bases or as a team effort.....working in some accountability....hopefully, helping them make good decision even if someone else is making poor decision.
Thanks everyone! Those are all great ideas, I will be trying probably all of them... i'll report back to ya, haha. :) So glad we're all in this together! God has blessed me with some great friends!!
Ella likes her door left open...so I tell her, "Okay, honey, you have everything you need. If you ask me to come in here again, I am shutting the door when I leave."
Usually, it works. :)
Oh, and I tell her to sing to Jesus. Sometimes she just needs an idea of how to soothe herself to sleep.
I am assuming they share a room?? That probably makes it harder, and i do not (yet) have experience with that. But what works for us on similar issues is the love and logic type parenting.
Give choices during the bedtime routine:
"do you want to brush your teeth sitting or standing?"
"do you want to put on your shirt or shorts (pjs) first?"
"do you want to sleep with your head on your pillow or your feet on your pillow?"
Then, at the end, say, "I have given you a lot of choices, but now I get to decide. Stay in bed."
If he continues to get out of bed, you can start hassle time. For every minute he causes you hassle, he will make it up the next day. Typically about the time he wants to go to the park or something fun. He is old enough to delay the consequence until its painful for him. So if he stayed up 15 extra minutes, when you go to the park, he gets to sit next to you (while other kids play) for 15 minutes. Or he could work off his hassle time with chores.
Hassle time works for a lot of things! Basically, the child redeems the time he/she gave you hassle!
Thanks Nina and Sarah, those are good ideas!
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