I have a lot of friends just starting to have kids or getting onto their 2nd and have had a bunch of questions on how it works with more than one kid. That's a great question, and I definitely did my share of asking too! There is so much wisdom in the counsel of many (Thanks Proverbs!).
I hear that having 1 kid is hard, going to 2 is tough but a little easier because you kind of know what you are doing, going to 3 gets a little nuts because it's no longer man to man defense, and 4+ they all blur together so you it's not so hard anymore.
So far I find that to be true. Having one was so overwhelming for me. As much as I had a lot of friends with kids already, had baby sat a lot and did the working in the nursery thing at church, I thought I would handle it ok...but I quickly found out I had no idea what I was doing. Thankfully I had some great friends walk it out with me and a loving husband that encouraged me though my break-downs, because I have no idea what I would have done without them!
Therefore, 1st piece of advice: Talk to people! Ask questions! Get help! Don't think you "should have all the motherly instincts down right away", it takes time to pick them up. Don't think you are the only one that has faced this, pretty much every mother has, and you aren't calling too much or asking too much or bothering anybody- get that through your mind. And don't be embarrassed or ashamed of weird things happening to your body, or of making a mistake...being a mother is a learning process!
2nd piece of advice: Prepare yourself mentally for the worst. I don't mean have a "Dooms day" attitude, or pitiful mindset, but prepare your mind to be overwhelmed then when you are in the middle of it it won't seem so bad! haha. I know this sounds strange, but I think that is how I made it though the first 2 months with 2 kids. I kept myself encouraged and connected with people, I prepared by reading up, getting advice, and most importantly PRAYING for peace in the house and GRACE GRACE GRACE!
Finally, 3rd piece of advice: Just tell yourself "it's ok". It's ok to cry randomly- that is the hormones...It's ok to take a break from the baby (get a babysitter or swap watching times with your spouse)- that is critical, you are not a bad mother if you need a break! I feel so sad for mom's that think they can't leave the child with a babysitter or alone with the father, or with a friend/relative- those are great times for the baby to adjust to other people as well as for you to regain your sanity and be a better mother when you get back. It's ok to the let the baby cry. Sometimes they just need to get out some energy and because they can't run it off yet, that is the most efficient way. Just check if they are hungry, dirty diaper, sleepy or in pain first...and if nothing else works, it's ok to let them burn off some energy crying. It's extremely hard to do the first couple of times because you feel bad for them, but just make sure they are in a safe place (like their crib, or seat) and close the door and give them a few minutes (no longer than 45!). In those times I find it most helpful for me to go pray (sometimes for them), put in a CD to worship God, or get some cleaning done. Lastly, it's ok to take a nap, especially when the kids do! If mommy's not happy, nobody's happy. :)
I know this is getting long, but I hope some of that encourages you. What are your pieces of advice, I'm all ears for more!
6 comments:
Good stuff baby. You are wise beyond your years. You are in fact like Yoda, but I know you would rather be called Yogurt from Spaceballs.
GREAT advice, Amy!!! I would say to those that are getting ready to have more than one, it's okay if you have to rely on methods that you wouldn't normally rely on to get through the day. Like copious amounts of snack or movies to keep your older child occupied. Sometimes you'll have a hard time with the little one and need to just get through the day! Don't feel bad!
That is so true, Hope! Thanks for your input!
Haha - Ross is hilarious :)
Good stuff (your post and Hope's comment)! I agree. I think you are a fantastic mommy, and we all know we are learning every single day more and more, right?!!! Sometimes our worst enemies can be "mommy competition" amongst all of us, so it's good to remember how important encouragement is!
I wrote a post last Fall with some of the things God has taught me in the last 3-4 years along these lines, too, and have come to much of the same thoughts and conclusions as you: http://www.goodlikeamedicine.com/2007/09/01/keeping-it-simple-with-little-ones/
awesome, thanks!! And in no way (AT ALL) do I "have it all together"...I know that is a common misconception among all mothers...when you see someone else, it always looks easier, and like they know what they are doing...that is why being open and transparent with people is vital! You rock!
Thank you for the great insight, I know I will be calling you lots :) You are such a great mom!
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